corey and i have had a few rough patches since moving in together. we had a considerably hard time around valentines day, but we're trying to work through it. i love him so unconditionally and i know he feels the same. sometimes, we just really suck at showing each other. i miss the flame we used to have. we're slowly working toward getting it back. i miss the old us. the new us still consists of two people entirely in love... but it's just missing some of the elements we used to have.
i start my new job at fox&hound tomorrow. i really don't want to have to wait tables anymore, but it seems as though there are NO options at all for me otherwise. sometimes, i wonder why i rushed through school. i graduated from college when i was 20 years old. i'm so young, and i'm already having to deal with the pressures of adulthood. i have eighty dollars in my checking account, and bills coming up soon. i really need a job where i can make some money. hopefully, it'll work out at fox&hound. at least until i can find a full-time job somewhere.
i don't mean to sound whiny or ungrateful, but i really am not content with where my life is now. i am too young to think about marriage or buying a house or anything 'permanent' like that. sometimes, i wish i could just move back into my room at the house in sylva and keep taking classes. i wish my life was where it was a year ago, all over again. i was carefree. any money i made was either saved or spent on alcohol and food. i had no responsibilities, other than getting decent grades. i had friends, an amazing boyfriend and security. i think i miss having security. deep down, i know i could return to that place. my room is still open at the house, and my parents are more than willing to help send me back to school. i just can't face that again. i had to get out of that town, and i took the chance. maybe i took it a little too soon, but there's no going back now.
i miss my parents and my sister. even though i only saw them once a week or so when i was in school, i knew i could always stop by to say hey. now, it's a three hour drive. i have to ask weekends off just to visit my family. my sister is going through tough times in her life right now, and i feel as though it's my job to be there for her. i can't be there as much as i would like, just because i am so far away.
last night was one of the best nights i've had in a while. lew & kelly called with four tickets to the bobcats game downtown. we had SIXTH row seats, free parking, and an amazing time! after the game, we met up with shorty (a friend from college) and were able to see all the cameras and equipment used to broadcast the game. then, we went to the epicenter to get drinks with everyone. i met some people who work with broadcast in charlotte. it was a fun night :)
a closing thought: it's a strange idea to me that it takes some people months or even years to take responsibilities for their actions. is there anyone i owe an apology? is there anyone i hurt terribly, but never took the time to mend relations with? this may sound somewhat backwards and awkward, but i actually commend you for what you have done. even if you don't completely ever understand what your apology means to someone, know it was taken with great relief. even though both of you are at a new and more intense part of your lives, scars of the past still remain. luckily for me, his scars are actually positive to our relationship. because of the pain he endured in the past, he has put his entire trust in our relationship. we have no jealousy issues, because we know our faith is unconditional. from day one, we took a vow of loyalty to one another. this is not to rub salt in any wounds. i'm actually just trying to say thank you. i have no hard feelings toward you, and i hope you have found the same love in your life which i have found in mine.
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