my life is NOT miserable- i have a job (even though it isn't great), i have a roof over my head, and i have people who care about me.
i am just a frustrated person. i see so much promise for myself. i take pride in having a clean house and nice things. i do things to the best of my ability and i expect others to do the same. maybe my expectations are just too high. but, i can't lower my expectations. i shouldn't have to, right?
i love my boyfriend more than anything. he's a great person who makes me comfortable and knows what to do to make me laugh. but, i feel like we're starting to lose our relationship over stupid things. i just want to be in an equal relationship. i want us both to take equal responsibility in things that need to be done. but, i feel as though i'm the only one who ever cleans anything. every week, i do loads of clothes. i wash dishes every few days, and i'm the only one who has ever touched our vacuum cleaner. the one chore i ask him to do is take out the trash. nearly every week he forgets until i remind him. and, he hasn't set the recycling out in three weeks.
therefore, i am the one that looks like a huge bitch when i get angry and ask him to do things. i just dont know what to do. he gets mad at me for asking him to do things. but i'm freaking sick of doing everything. i work nearly as much as he does, and i feel as though we should do things equally. why is it the 'woman's job' to clean? i already cook for him all the time. it just makes me want to cry because i don't feel respected or loved.
this weekend, i've been sick with what i thought was the flu. (had a flu test, apparently it's just a virus). i literally laid in bed all day friday, aching. last night, i 'coerced' him into making me soup. i just wish someone would wait on me the way i wait on him. or at least help me out a little.
other than our un-equal relationship, i love everything about him. he makes me laugh. he makes me comfortable. he makes me feel whole. i just dont know what to do.
my throat hurts. my ears are ringing. my body aches. i just want someone to take care of me. is that too much to ask for?
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